Pilgrimlog

Emily Stimpson, Catholic blogger and author of The Catholic Girl’s Survival Guide for the Single Years, gives some advice on Beating the Single Catholic Blues:

Why am I still single?

That’s a question a whole lot of us Catholic girls and boys find ourselves asking these days.

The plan, our plan, was always marriage and babies. But God hasn’t gotten the memo yet. Which leaves those of us who still believe we’re called to marriage trying to make sense of our prolonged singleness, not to mention striving to understand how we’re supposed to live in the gap between college and “I do.”

It’s confusing. It’s frustrating. And sometimes it just plain hurts.

So what’s a good Catholic single to do? Give in to the culture? Give up on our heart’s desires?

Buy lots and lots of cats?

No. No. A hundred times no.

Just try these tips instead.

1. Remember, It’s Not You

Okay, maybe it is. Maybe you have some deep-seeded issue preventing you from recognizing or committing to the person God has for you. Chances are, however, you’re still single for the same reason most of us are:

We’re Catholic and the culture is not.

The sexual revolution, divorce, abortion, contraception, pornography, cohabitation, even serial dating have left countless potential mates wounded and in need of healing. Others want and expect things from us that we cannot and must not give. The pool of eligible spouses is small, which leaves many of us single later—maybe much later—than we’d like.

But your unwillingness to widen that pool by turning your back on God and compromising on what you know to be true doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you. It means something’s right.

2. Seize the Day

The single years aren’t always a walk in the park. But they do come with certain perks and opportunities. Don’t let those perks and opportunities pass you by.

At night, read by the fireside. Buy season tickets to the ballet or symphony. Go on that missionary trip to China. Open the brewhouse of your dreams. Finish that masters in theology.

As your married friends will tell you, your time for most of these adventures is limited. Embarking on them now, however, tempers depression in the short-term and enriches life in the long-term. You see more and learn more. You grow more. And who knows? Maybe in some mission church in China, you’ll meet your future spouse.

3. Make a Gift of Yourself

 All of us—single or otherwise—are under orders from God to give ourselves away in love. See Matthew 10:39: “He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for my sake will find it.” 

 So lose your life. Give it away. Volunteer at the local crisis pregnancy center. Sing in the Church choir. Teach CCD. Feed the homeless. Take a meal to new mom. Make a holy hour for the singles you know. Just smile at the crabby clerk in the grocery store.

Whatever you do, do it often and do it gladly. God, after all, loves a cheerful giver. Accordingly, the more cheerfully you give yourself away, the more joy God gives back to you.

4. Count Your Blessings

Literally. Write them down. Tick them off on your fingers. Use an abacus. Enumerate them however you like, just count them…all of them. Your mind, your health, your strength, your friends, your faith, your beauty, your smile, your talents, your job, your lack of job, your great family, your crazy family, blue skies, green grass, hot coffee, strong whiskey, cashmere sweaters, fat babies, broccoli, old doors, new plumbing—whatever it is that floats your boat put it on the list. Then bless God for it. Tell him you see his goodness in all these things, and ask for the grace to see it in your singleness as well. Chances are, by the time you’re done counting, you will.

5. Hang Out With Jesus

Why? Because he loves you and wants only the best for you. He’s not surprised you’re single. He saw this day coming from all eternity. He’s accounted for it. He’s providing for you through it. And as long as your singleness lasts, he will continue to provide. So go to him, daily: in the Eucharist, in Confession, in Adoration, in his Word, and in prayer. Being in his presence reminds you of his love. It also can remind you of how much you love him, and how your deepest desire is not for a spouse, but rather to do his will.

6. Hope Always

There comes a time in almost every single Catholic’s life when we’ve had enough—enough dating, enough disappointment, enough bad endings. No matter how good we’ve been and no matter how hard we’ve prayed, it never seems to work out. So we contemplate giving up.

Bad idea.

If you truly believe you’re called to marriage, you can’t throw in the towel. You have to put yourself out there, and you have to leave yourself open—to getting hurt, yes, but also to being surprised by some totally unexpected, totally perfect gift from God.

And it’s never too late for him to send you that gift. Never.

Okay…well, it’s not exactly our bishops.  Rather, Emily Robinson, a 23 year old grad student getting her master’s degree in Social Work, wrote the following article on behalf of our bishops’ For Your Marriage program. 

(By the way, did you know that the U.S. bishops even have suggestions for cheap dates?) 

So, for me, Holy Thursday is by far the most romantic day of the entire year.  Although any day is a wonderful opportunity to express God’s love towards others, there may be a few of you who may make a special effort for the Feast of St. Valentine.  In that case, here are some Catholic pickup lines that you may find useful. 

1. I should start a novena in thanksgiving to St. Anthony because I’ve finally found what I’ve been looking for.

2. You have beautiful eyes; Leah would be jealous. (see Gen 29:17)

3. I like your veil.

4. Am I levitating? Because I think I’m in ecstasy.

5. When I meet the Pope I’m going to kiss his ring. Can I practice on your hand?

6. Introduce me to your parents; I want to thank them for choosing life.

7. I wish I was your scapular so I could remain close to your heart.

8. I’m spending my Purgatory on Earth each moment away from you.

9. When can I see you again? My guardian angel wants to hang out with your guardian angel.

10. Can you light my candle? The wind blew mine out. (at a night rosary procession)

11. Do you know the words of the Te Deum? I’ve got to praise God for making such a beautiful creature.

12. It’s First Friday; do you want to make reparation together?

13. Happy feast of St. Agnes! You know, I had a dream about you last night. I wonder what it means… (according to folklore, the person you dream about on the eve of the feast of St. Agnes is the person you’re going to marry).

14. John Paul the Great must have been inspired by you when he wrote “Mulieris Dignitatem”.

15. St. Peter may have the keys to the Kingdom of Heaven, but you have the keys to my heart.

Here are some others that I found online that you may enjoy.

16. Confess here often?

17. Did you feel what I felt when we reached into the holy water font at the same time?

18. You’ve got stunning scapular-brown eyes.

19. I bet I can guess your confirmation name.

20. Let’s get out of here. I know a much cozier little Catholic bookstore downtown.

21. You don’t like the culture of death either? Wow! We have so much in common!

22. What’s a nice girl like you doing at a First Saturday Rosary Cenacle like this?

23. Hi there. My buddy and I were wondering if you would settle a dispute we’re having. Do you think the word should be pronounced HOMEschooling, or homeSCHOOLing?

24. May I offer you a light for that votive candle?

25. You don’t have an accountability partner? Me neither.

26. The Bible says “Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry”; how about dinner?

27. You look so beautiful in that mantilla you wear to Mass.

28. Want to go to Adoration with me?

29. Man does not live by bread alone. So how about dinner and a movie?

30. What do you think Paul meant when he said, “Greet everyone with a holy kiss” (1Pet 5:24)?

31. A little bird… the Holy Spirit actually… tells me we should get to know each other a little better.

32. What are your plans for tonight? Feel like a Bible study?

33. Hi, this pew taken?

34. My prayers are answered.

35. Has anyone ever told you, your eyes are like doves and your neck like the tower of David?

36. Read any good Bible passages lately?

37. You know Jesus? Hey, me too! (from Brittney Quirk)

38. I lost my rosary, can I use your fingers? (from David Napoli)

39. Hey … I don’t want to embarass you but your Scapular strap is showing. So … how long have you been wearing that? We should discuss the Sabatine promises over a 40 hours devotion sometime. (from Robert Klesko)

40. “It’s Passion Sunday, may I hold your palm?” (from Walker Solis ed. by me)

41. Presenting a rose: “I just may be the answer to your Little Flower novena.” (from Walker Solis)

42. Thumbing a rosary: “How ‘bout joining me for a few decades?” (from Walker Solis)

43. “Me, I prefer a more traditional Mass. I’m a regular Latin lover.” (from Walker Solis)

44. “You’re a saint! Kiss me, and make me a second-class relic!” (from Walker Solis)

45. “My Guardian Angel thinks you are cute” (from Aaron Russell)

46. “Is that a new perfume or the odor of sanctity?” (from Walker Solis)

47. If I had a bead for every time I though of you, I’d have a joyful mystery. (from John DeLozier)

48. I love that new Benediction Incense scent on you. (from Alexa Schuele)

49. You are like the book of Revelation. You’ve got me all confused. (from Christa Masson)

50. “I think I am called to the vocation of Marriage. Wanna help?”

Tomorrow morning, on January 21, the universal Church will celebrate the Feast of St. Agnes, a young Roman martyr of the early Church.  Tonight, however, is St. Agnes’ Eve.  There is an ancient Scottish tradition that maidens would dream of the young man they would marry tonight.  In fact, there is even a prayer that goes,

“Agnes sweet, and Agnes fair / Hither, hither, now repair / Bonny Agnes, let me see / The lad who is to marry me.”

This custom is exemplified in the famous poem The Eve of St. Agnes by the English poet, John Keats.

 ST. AGNES’ Eve—Ah, bitter chill it was!  The owl, for all his feathers, was a-cold; The hare limp’d trembling through the frozen grass, And silent was the flock in woolly fold:  Numb were the Beadsman’s fingers, while he told His rosary, and while his frosted breath, Like pious incense from a censer old, Seem’d taking flight for heaven, without a death, Past the sweet Virgin’s picture, while his prayer he saith.

……………………………

 They told her how, upon St. Agnes’ Eve, Young virgins might have visions of delight, And soft adorings from their loves receive Upon the honey’d middle of the night, If ceremonies due they did aright; As, supperless to bed they must retire, And couch supine their beauties, lily white; Nor look behind, nor sideways, but require Of Heaven with upward eyes for all that they desire.

I suppose between St. Raphael, St. Agnes, and St. Anne (“Good St. Anne, find me a man as fast as you can.  Amen.”) young Catholic ladies are in good hands.

Sweet dreams!